She: (mumbling softly) I wish someone would hang the new curtain rod in the living room window.
He: What did you say?
He: No, you said something. I clearly heard you say something.
She: I was just talking to myself.
He: Did you just say something about hanging the curtain rod in the living room?
She: No, I was just saying I miss Dennis Rodman, the basketball player.
He: I know who Dennis Rodman is. But you said you hoped someone, most likely me, would hang the new curtain rod.
She: Now that you mention it…
Me: Me mention it? It’s Friday before a three-day weekend. I got a ton of football to watch. I have a painting I need to finish. Why would I want to hang new curtains in the living room? I don’t. I just want to chill out. For three days.
She: Never mind. I’ll hang it myself. I’ll just borrow your tools.
He: Borrow my tools?
She: Where do you keep that motor thing with the twisty screw thing on it?
Me: You mean my drill?
She: Whatever. Where do you keep your nails?
Me: Ahh…in the shed, where they’ve been for 25 years.
She: Oh… crickets are in there! Will you get them for me?
Me: Nails? What do you need nails for? Crickets? Gee… OK…OK…I’ll just do it! The last time you got in there you started organizing and I couldn’t find anything for a month!
She: You’ll do it! You’ll hang the curtains?
Me: Can I finish dinner first?
She: Sure. Tomorrow morning would be fine!
Me: Thanks. A lot. There goes my weekend.
She: I’ll help.
Me: Yeah. Right.
She: Oh goody. New curtains!
Me: Goody? And Dennis Rodman? Really, Dennis Rodman?
She: I’m a big basketball fan.
Me: Really? Who’s your favorite player?
She: Kurt Warner. He’s a good dancer, too.
Me: Oh, boy.
She: Is this a good time to talk about a new kitchen?
Me: I give up.
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