He: Whatcha doin’?
She: Just enjoying sitting out here on the deck, reading my book, listening to the waves lap at my feet, feeling the cool breeze. Just loving being out here on the lake.
She: Why don’t you get a chair and join me? I saw a nice green deck chair back by the pump house. I think it’s one of the new ones Aunt She just got.
He: I’ll be right back.
She: You found it.
He: It looks a bit beat up!
She: That’s just the distressed look. It’s big in patio furniture. Aunt She must have spent a fortune on new deck furniture.
He: Shows you what I know!
(Later)
He: Wow! The wind is really picking up! I’ll get the umbrella down and tie up the jet skis. Hold on to my chair. I’ll be right back.
She: I just have to finish this chapter.
He: Okay!
She: (With a scream) He! He! Come quick!
He: Whoa, did you see that? The wind just picked up that green deck chair and tossed it in the lake! I thought you were watching it!
She: I was watching it! I watched it fly into the lake!
He: I mean, I thought you were holding it!
She: I couldn’t hold it, my book, and my hat at the same time!
He: Of course not.
She: A big gust just swooshed it away.
He: Swooshed. I get it. Good thing you were sitting in your chair or it and you would have landed in the lake as well.
She: I was almost finished with my book.
He: I thought you were just finishing a chapter.
She: It’s a really good book.
Little He: (Running up) What’s that chair doing out in the lake!
She: The chair! The chair! Aunt She’s new chair! You have to get it!
He: I have to get it! You’re the one with the swimming suit on.
She: Oh, this isn’t my swimming suit. This is my sun tanning suit. I can’t get it wet.
He: What!
Little He: The wind is pushing the chair out away from the dock!
She: You have to get it!
He: Oh, brother! I’ll get the paddle boat and swing around behind it.
Little He: I want to go, too.
She: No, let Daddy go by himself. He can go faster that way.
He: I’m goin’!
Little He: But you don’t even have a bathing suit on! You have shoes on and a shirt and a shorts and a hat!
He: I’ll be fine.
She: There he goes. He’s moving fast.
Little He: Not as fast as the chair. How come his face is all red?
She: He’s pedaling really hard.
Little He: Looks like he’s mad. He’s yelling something, but I can’t tell what he’s saying.
She: Oh, he’s probably just shouting about how much he loves us!
He: (In the distance) I hate this! This stupid chair is impossible to catch. It’s bullshit! If you were just holding on to the chair….
She: Just wave at Daddy and say, We love you, Daddy!
Little He: (Waving) We love you, Daddy!
She: We love you, Daddy!
Little He: He’s not waving back!
She: He’s too busy right now!
Little He: He probably can’t hear us because he’s so far away.
She: Look! He’s at the chair!
Little He: He’s going to grab it!
She: Be careful! Don’t lean over too far!
Little He: Oh! No! He fell out of the boat!
She: Oh my!
Little He: He’s probably saying Fuck!
She: What did you say?
Little He: He always says that word when he gets mad when he hits his hand with a hammer or he steps in dog poop!
She: Well, just don’t YOU say it anymore. Look, he’s getting back in the boat.
Little He: He’s all wet. Even his shoes. Ha! Ha! But his hat flew off.
She: He’s got the chair! He’s pedaling back in.
Little He: He’s not moving very fast.
She: He’s pedaling into the wind. It may take him a while.
(A good while, later)
He: (Paddling by, out of breath) I got your stupid chair!
She: You’re my hero!
Little He: You lost your hat!
He: Shit!
Little He: That’s the other word he says all the time when you’re not around.
He: Hey, I almost got a heart attack from paddling my ass off. I fell in the lake. I almost drowned. Now it appears I lost my hat.
I felt something grabbing at my legs when I was in the water. It was probably a leviathan!
Little He: What’s a leviathinth? Is it another of those words we aren’t supposed to say?
She: We’re glad you’re safe.
Little He: We’re glad you’re safe, Daddy. Look, here comes Uncle He and Aunt She!
Uncle He: Looks like a big storm is coming in. Everything okay?
Aunt She: (To He) How come you’re all wet?
Little He: He had to save the green chair.
She: Your new deck chair got picked up by a gust, and the wind pulled it out into the water really fast!
Aunt She: What new green deck chair? The new ones are white. We haven’t put them out yet.
He: Well, I saved your green one, anyway.
Aunt She: That old green thing? That washed up on the beach during the storm we had last week before you got here. You just should have left the current take it far, far away from here. We had planned to take it to the dump on Saturday, anyway.
He: Great. Just great.
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