She: Can I ask you a question? Do these new jeans make my butt look big?
Me: Yes.
Me: No…No. You can ask me a question, but I have a game on.
She: It’s halftime.
Me: Yeah, but I have to watch the highlights.
She: You can watch the highlights later. Now, do these jeans make my butt look big?
Me: Yeah, they make it look huge! Just like that lineman in the red jersey!
She: What!
Me: Just kidding. Actually they look like they are too big for you. Looks like you’ve lost weight!
She: Good. What? You’ve used that line the last 3 times I’ve asked you this question. I don’t believe you.
Me: What’s that on the floor, there?
She: What? Is it a scorpion? If it’s a scorpion, you have to get it!
Me: It looks like a snake!
She: What? That’s not a snake. It’s… it’s a diamond bracelet.
Me: Funny that. You must have dropped it. Try it on.
She: I will. I’ll be right back.
Me: I’ll just be watching the game.
(Later)
She: I’m leaving you.
Me: Leaving me. Is it something I said?
She: It’s the bracelet!
Me: If you don’t want it I could use it the next time a cashier doesn’t ask me if I want to use my senior citizen discount! I could give it to her as a reward.
She: No, I’m keeping it.
Me: Then why are you leaving?
She: Shopping.
Me: Are you taking the jeans back. I thought they looked good.
She: I’m not taking them back. I know they look good. Don’t you think they have mirrors in the store?
Me: Huh? Then why all the questions?
She: I need a new dress to go with the bracelet. Enjoy your game.
Me: Yeah. Sure. Ok. What? Who just scored? Oh, brother.
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